first, some background:
microsoft has released a new little gizmo to compete with the ipod. it's called "the zune." you can't buy it yet, but a lot of people are talking about it. by a lot of people, i mean gadget freaks and techies who sit up all night scouring the interwebs for pr0n. not...say...housewives who sit in the audience of the ellen degeneres show and shop at kmart.

speaking of dancing lesbians, ms. degeneres decided to give a whole bunch of these little guys away to her audience. following her announcement, mayhem ensues. the good stuff jumps off at around 1:12 in the clip below.

basically, we get some good looks of 30- to 40- something women jumping up and down, screaming, yelling, hugging each other; it's a fucking frenzy. i think i even saw one girl start crying. take a look...

here's my gripe (i'm about to get all 'marketing-speak-y' for a minute): these women, this particular demographic--the audience that watches daytime soaps, oprah, and 'the view'--their ken revolves around things like new 'scrubbing bubbles,' febreze, playtex 24-hour bras, and manwich meals. i bet if you stopped one of them on the street and asked her to give you a zune, she'd track down the nearest police officer and tell him that you asked her to do something involving drugs or sexual favors; she's not sure which, but she's positive it had something to do with one or the other. and yet, when ellen mentions that they're all getting one of these things, they flip out like a bunch of 14 year-olds at an aaron carter concert.

this got me thinking: if they really have no idea what this doo-hickey is that they're being given, ellen could have probably said anything--ANYTHING--and they would've all still gone schizo. it's as if they came to the show just waiting for an excuse to go apeshit and jump up and down and hug each other. they were primed, they just needed an excuse. to that end, our nation's favorite daytime talkshow host could've said, "and hey! guess what! you're all getting tacos!"

Cue 'madness.'

or maybe they were just desperate for free shit. this paints an even bleaker picture.

1. it portrays our countrymen/women as a people ravenous for a handout, no matter how relevant or useful said handout happens to be.

2. the broadcast is transformed from an object of mere entertainment to that of psychological conditioning. this show and its audience's reaction cleverly becomes a model, exemplary of how all citizens of the free world should act when given something by someone of a higher caste. we must be grateful for their generosity; we must celebrate these crumbs for without them, we would only have CD players. and, god, would that suck.

imagine what would've happened if ellen offered to give them free sour cream, too; there would've been riots of celebration pouring from the studio into the street.

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